


Balance

by Yutaeism



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:36:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9671084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yutaeism/pseuds/Yutaeism
Summary: There is little more infuriating than being attracted to someone who, for all intents and purposes, is your polar opposite.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this the other day at like, 2am with Angel on loop, and then came back and made some adjustments at 2am 2 days later with Back 2 U on loop. (That was a lot of 2's.) I don't really know what this is but I had to get it out. No beta (aside from me re-reading it on another day but I barely count that so..) so advanced apologies if I made typos or anything.

There is little more infuriating than being attracted to someone who, for all intents and purposes, is your polar opposite.

Where one is generally quiet, the other is predominantly lively.

Where one doesn’t mind being alone, the other consistently attracts the spotlight.

Where one’s usual expression was a neutral gaze, the other’s was a constant flickering of animation.

Where one barely knows how to express his own feelings to himself, the other casually flirts with anyone he feels like.

Yet the most aggravating part of it all isn’t any of that.

For Moon Taeil, it wasn’t an annoyance because this (semi) opposite of his was Nakamoto Yuta. It wasn’t Yuta hanging all over Winwin all the time, it wasn’t  _ those _ looks that Yuta gave to their members, their fans, even the camera, it wasn’t even the way that Yuta unknowingly made Taeil feel.

It was that Moon Taeil couldn’t pinpoint exactly when any of this - whatever  _ this _ was - even started.

When they were still Rookies, they had spent more of their time in the company of others. The few moments together weren’t anything to call home about, but they weren’t anything terrible either. At that point, they were friends - friends, but nothing incredibly special.

When NCT U debuted Without You, Taeil was busy with a small batch of promotions, while Yuta still prepared for his time to officially join NCT.

When they were to debut together as NCT 127, there was no sudden revelation of anything, no sparks suddenly flying. Taeil was still Taeil, and Yuta was still Yuta, but now they shared the same space far more often.

But, again, Yuta was still Yuta, and Taeil being with Yuta more often meant that Taeil was also someone that Yuta could potentially hang off of.

There were a few times where Yuta would stand  _ just _ a bit closer to Taeil than what the older boy was used to. A few times where Yuta would cling to Taeil in some way or another. Sometimes it was backstage, sometimes it was right in front of a camera - sometimes it was purposeful, sometimes it was absent-mindly, sometimes it was just Yuta lingering longer than he maybe originally intended.

Maybe part of it was because that kind of playfulness was contagious, but Taeil knew how to have his fun too. He’d indulge the younger in the silliness - like when they were recording NCT Life in Paju, and Taeil followed him around with a camera, dramatically narrating Yuta’s actions as if he were some lonely, seasoned samurai, or when Yuta mentioned cheerleading and Taeil unquestioningly obliged. (Taeil would look back on all of that particular season of their mini series with a swell of pride in himself as well as a simultaneous cringe.)

They would get closer, of course, because at his core Taeil was a kind and accepting kind of person, and he really did care about the younger boy. But, again, at some point or another, the kind of care he had for Nakamoto Yuta went from the older brother kind of emotion to a slightly lonelier, yearning kind.

Taeil hides it well, because he’s not good at expressing his emotions anyway. It took him long enough to realize that the fluttery feeling in his chest whenever he saw Yuta beaming - especially in his direction, even if not actually  _ directed _ at him - wasn’t just the kid’s happiness being contagious, or that the reason he felt just a touch of annoyance whenever he saw Yuta draping himself over someone wasn’t because he felt they were slacking off.

Yuta, on the other hand, is kind of oblivious sometimes, because he’s generally just so damn happy and excited about everything. He’s sometimes like a puppy that just wants everyone to love him (and boy do they). The Japanese member - whom Taeil had said once was more Korean than he was sometimes - wriggled his way into all their hearts easily, and as a result was actually very close with a good deal of them. Hansol and Ten were frequently his go-to friends for a long time - though they were still close, their time together was significantly less, considering Hansol was still stuck waiting for his official debut and Ten had other solo schedules. Jaehyun was more often with Mark or Doyoung these days. Not that he had a problem fitting in with anyone, though. But not everyone was always available, and that was okay because Yuta was happy with anyone.

Then there was Winwin - oh, sweet, innocent Winwin.

Yuta took it upon himself - being a foreigner as well - to help Winwin with anything and everything. Yuta’s Korean was stronger, so he helped Winwin with his studies, even learning a touch of Mandarin himself to help ease the process along. Winwin molded perfectly against Yuta’s side, like two peas in a pod, neither afraid of a little skinship or affection. Yuta clung to him especially, because Winwin responded the most eagerly.

When Yuta wrapped his arm around Winwin’s shoulders, Winwin would shift closer.

When Yuta snuck his hand into Winwin’s, Winwin’s fingers would wrap around it.

When Yuta would tell Winwin “I love you,” Winwin would respond with “I love you!”

At some point - yet another time that Taeil wouldn’t be able to pinpoint, nor would either Yuta or Winwin - Winwin started initiating the skinship himself. Sometimes Winwin would be cute for Yuta, sometimes Winwin would wrap his arms around Yuta, sometimes Winwin would reposition himself so he was instead at Yuta’s side. At some point, Yuta started pretending to kiss Winwin’s cheek, even in front of the camera.

At some point, Taeil realized that he wasn’t perturbed by their actions. Taeil realized he wasn’t upset at the things they did because it was wrong or anything. Taeil realized that, in fact, he was a little shaken up over how open the two of them were with each other because his hands felt a little empty, because his side felt a little cold, because his heart felt a little lonely.

At some point, Taeil realized he was jealous because Winwin had Yuta, and Yuta had Winwin.

For a time, Taeil thought it was because he was just slightly hormonal and wanted to have a relationship of his own, and that if he found someone he’d be fine. But as an idol, it would be next to impossible to start a relationship without  _ some _ kind of scandal following. (Sure he wasn’t Kim Jongin level popularity, but he  _ is _ a part of the same company,  _ is _ part of SMEnt’s current focus and investment,  _ is  _ the oldest member of NCT as a whole and as such should be setting a good example for his younger members and being a means of support for Taeyong, since Taeyong - as their leader - shouldn’t always have to take  _ everything _ on his own.)

Regardless, Taeil would look at other people, just to see if there was someone out there he could latch a dream onto, to think about and help sort the churning of emotions from his stomach. But there was nothing. Every time Taeil would search for something akin to his “dream girl” he instead caught his gaze wandering towards the younger members.

One time, he actually laughed aloud to himself because he was trying to decide whether he preferred bangs or not, and imagined the way that sometimes their bangs would be so in the way of trying to look at someone. Johnny was there at the time, and eyed him oddly, and Taeil laughed at him too before waving the other off.

Another time, he contemplated over whether he was more attracted to someone who was athletic, and the memory of playing soccer and basketball on NCT Life was summoned, which Taeil quickly tried to smother, the reminder of his embarrassment then burning his neck. Taeyong had checked on him then, concerned when Taeil had buried his face in his arms with a groan.

And then, once, he’d been staring out the window, thinking about whether he had some kind of preference of eye color, when he found himself comparing the dark, cloudy sky to the dark irises of his friends and what a stark contrast their natural colors were to some of the colored contacts they would wear. That time it was Mark that distracted him with some snacks before the face in his thoughts had a chance to fully form.

But it was yet another time, while a  rerun of Inkigayo was playing on the nearby television, when Taeil wondered if he’d want to be with another famous person or not. While a performance of a rookie group was flashing across the screen, the addictively beaming face of the one and only Nakamoto Yuta materialized in his mind, causing Taeil to realize a glaring pattern in what he apparently liked in a person.

It was the way that Yuta would brush his bangs from his face when he tried to talk to someone.

It was the way that Yuta made soccer and basketball look so effortless (even if he wasn’t anywhere near as good at basketball as he was at soccer).

It was the way that Yuta’s eyes would sparkle and shine, though his irises were so deeply colored.

He wanted someone that was just like Yuta.

He wanted Yuta.

But alas, Moon Taeil is Moon Taeil.

Moon Taeil is Nakamoto Yuta’s friend.

Taeil can talk to Yuta, he can go hang out with Yuta, mess around with Yuta, be silly with Yuta, play games with Yuta, or even just sit around and do nothing with Yuta. Taeil can share his food with Yuta, share a sleeping space with Yuta, share his secrets with Yuta, even trust Yuta with just about everything, really.

But Taeil cannot tell Yuta “I love you” like Yuta so effortlessly tells Winwin.

Somewhere inside him, Taeil knows that Yuta and Winwin’s “I love yous” are just a brotherly kind of affection, that Taeil wanting to explore something with Yuta wouldn’t necessarily put any kind of strain on their relationship.

But, again, Moon Taeil is Moon Taeil.

It’s hard enough for him to muster the words to tell his younger members that he loves them as much as he does, that he cares about them and wants the best for them like the older brother he is to them.

The idea of trying to express that what he feels for Yuta goes beyond what he feels for Taeyong or Doyoung or Mark or any of the others is almost stressful in itself.

\--

“Taeil-hyung?”

Taeil was staring out the window, watching droplets of rain run down the glass when Yuta sidled up, claiming the seat across the table. His lips were curled up in a characteristically Nakamoto Yuta smirk as Taeil turned his attention to the drinks being presented to him.

“I brought you something.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Taeil accepted the offer with a small smile of his own.

“Are you thinking about something?” Yuta, sipping at his own drink, regarded the elder with a curious expression, one eyebrow raised ever so slightly.

Taeil chuckled. “Nothing in particular.”  _ Just the one person who decided to find me. _

It’d been a few weeks now that Taeil had been nursing at his then-newly-discovered emotions. There’d been moments here and there, both during comeback preparations and during promotions, between schedules and concerts and appearances and fanmeetings, where Taeil found himself beside the younger boy and the idea of reaching for him flashed across his thoughts. But Moon Taeil kept his hands to himself, because that was what he was wont to do.

These days, Yuta was still more than just a little touchy with others, but his attention was primarily focused on Winwin more than anything. More than just a little part of Taeil missed when Yuta would reach for him.

“Sorry. I just didn’t wanna bug you if you were in the middle of something.” The sparkle in the younger’s eye caused a tiny tingle in Taeil’s spine. “But, I’ll leave you alone if you want--”

“Ah, Yuta, wait. It’s okay. Company’s nice.” Taeil found himself grinning towards Yuta, who seem to be encouraged by it, returning a smile of his own as he settled back down.

Feeling more comfortable, the two of them somehow ended up on a conversation with no specific direction, bouncing from this and that, like why both of them had been alone (Yuta said the others were busy, Taeil said he was listening to the rain), how many stars could be seen from Yuta’s rooftop back in Osaka (“Sooo many stars, hyung!”), that one song that Taeil sung for that one OST (“Are you guys ever going to stop bringing it up?” “Nope!”), and, eventually, how Yuta ended up here with Taeil.

In response to Yuta’s explanation of  _ I saw you by yourself when I was on my way to get a drink, so I grabbed something for you and came back to join you _ , Taeil’s words had managed to form a  _ I’m glad you chose me _ before he paused, blinking, curious over how his brain ended up with that over a less easily misunderstood  _ I appreciate the company _ or something more along those lines. But the ever present grin across Yuta’s face read just like always. He took the statement at face value - as a token of Taeil’s gratitude for their friendship.

The twists in Taeil’s stomach remained, however, as his heart fluttered a little at the younger boy before him, the very one that now very obviously popped into his mind more than just occasionally. He averted his gaze towards the now-empty container between his hands.

“Yuta?”

“Yea, hyung?”

“Do you like anyone?”

Yuta snickered. “Hyung, I like  _ everyone _ .”

Taeil’s eyes flicked back up towards the bemused expression on Yuta’s face. The other noticed, snickering again before continuing.

“Hyung, you’re not like, 5. Am I  _ attracted _ to someone?” Yuta paused, tapping his chin as if contemplating over a very complicated response.

Taeil steeled himself mentally, unsure of what would even be the appropriate reaction, regardless of the outcome.

“I dunno. I find attractive points of plenty of people. The world is beautiful, after all.” Pleased with himself, Yuta propped his chin in his palm, opposite arm crossed over his bicep as he, again, curiously regarded Taeil, albeit with a slightly smug smile this time. “What about you?”

At this, Taeil found himself rolling head over heels emotionally, flip-flopping between feigning innocence of  _ nobody in particular _ and blurting out the first actress he could think of. He swallowed, reining himself in and regaining control of the craziness going on in his head.

Or, so he thought.

Yuta blinked, slightly stunned, before chuckling lightly. “Did you say… me?”

“Uhm.” Taeil turned his face - which he could feel starting to warm up - back towards the window.

“Moon Taeil-hyung.”

The elder slowly looked back towards his companion, his friend, his… crush. The one who sat there with a slightly-more-smug smirk on his slightly cocked head, almost batting his damn eyelashes at Taeil.

“Wh-what.”

“Did you just confess that you’re attracted to me, Taeil-hyung?”

_ Goddamnit. _

Taeil averted his gaze downward again, staring at his hands.

Yuta, chuckling again, reached out and took Taeil’s hands into his own, gently running his thumbs across Taeil’s knuckles.

“Hyung’s really cute, I admit,” Yuta began, even as Taeil continued to keep his focus on their hands. “Cute in a lot of ways, really. But I never thought you’d like me like that.”

“Why?” Taeil’s voice barely cracked out.

“Well… ‘cause you’ve never really tried anything with me. Uh. Not to sound bad. But I just mean like… I dunno, it never seemed like you ever like… showed me any special attention or anything? Like, you know how when a little boy picks on a little girl because he thinks she’s cute? Uh…”

Yuta sounded like he was really trying to think of the best way to word everything when Taeil started laughing.

The younger looked at him, yet again surprised.

“I don’t know how to begin to show you that I’ve liked you,” he finally blurted. “I don’t when it started, and I don’t really know how to explain it, but no matter how hard I’ve tried, it’s always you. When I think about what kind of person I like, when someone asks me what I prefer, whatever it is.”

Taeil finally looked back at Yuta’s face, who was staring back at him, blinking as he waited for the elder to continue.

“I’m really not good at emotions, you know.”

At that Yuta finally smiled again, bright and brilliant and full of joy.

“I know, hyung.” He brought Taeil’s hands up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against the top of his fingers.

“And you’re really good at expressing yours,” Taeil continued, feeling his heart swell a little as Yuta’s eyes flicked back up, shimmering even from behind those always-just-too-long bangs.

“I know,” Yuta laughed again, a little bit airy and almost ethereal as it rang through Taeil’s ears.

“It’s almost like…”

“...we’re a good balance?”

They both beamed before the smiles gave way to another round of snickers and giggles, pink dusting both their cheeks.

“Does this mean we’re okay? You’re okay?” Taeil nervously inquired.

Yuta snorted at this, pausing from toying with Taeil’s hands to tug at his arms slightly instead, pulling the elder just a touch closer as he leaned forward. A quick peck, the bare hint of pressure against Taeil’s lips was all that Yuta granted before straightening up again.

“I’ve always liked you, hyung.”

\--

There is little more infuriating than being so enamoured with and in love with someone who is, for all intents and purposes, your polar opposite.

But there’s also a popular saying that “opposites attract” - a belief that while we normally are content in what’s familiar, there’s an innate craving for the unknown to bring a certain degree of intrigue in our lives.

For Moon Taeil, there’s no one else he’d rather have him take him over the edge than Nakamoto Yuta.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Twitter (@melodymyx) always dying over too many idols, but Yuta in particular  
> edit - it's just shy of 24hrs since I posted this and there's 127 hits & I giggled (thank you guys)


End file.
